Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Indulge me this piece of nostalgia...

I first came across this little ditty (in one of its many forms) in a book by Buckminster Fuller entitled “Critical Path”.

The accreditation to Ogden Nash is conceivable, but (according to several sources) hotly denied by Nash.

My thanks to Sniff for this version…

Four Prominent Bastards
(Ogden Nash)

I'm an autocratic figure in these democratic states
A dandy demonstration of hereditary traits.
As the children of the baker make the most delicious breads
And the sons of Casanova fill the most exclusive beds,
And the Barrymores and Roosevelts and others I could name
Inherited the features that perpetuate their fame,
My position in the structure of society I owe
To the qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago.
Now, my father was a gentleman, and musical, to boot;
He used to play piano in a house of ill repute.
My mother was the madam, and a credit to her cult
She liked my daddy's playing, and I was the result.
So my mammy and my daddy are the ones I've got to thank,
I'm the chairman of the board of the National City Bank.

cho: Our parents forgot to get married
Our parents forgot to get wed;
Did a wedding bell chime, that was always a time
They were somewhere off in bed.
So it's thanks to our kind-hearted parents
We're kings in this land of the free
The banker, the broker, the Washington joker
Three prominent bastards are we.

In a cozy little cottage, in a cozy little dell
A dear old-fashioned farmer and his daughter used to dwell.
She was pretty, she was charming, she was tender, she was mild
And her sympathies were such that she was frequently with child.
The year her hospitality attained a record high
She found herself the mother of an infant, which was I.
And whenever she was gloomy I could always make her grin
By childishly inquiring who my daddy might have been.
Now the hired man was favored by the gals of mammy's set
And the traveling man from Scranton was an even-money bet,
But such were mammy motives, and such was her allure
That even Roger Babson wasn't altogether sure.
So I took my mammy's morals and I took my daddy's crust
And I grew to be the founder of a big investment trust.

On a dusty southern chain-gang, on a dusty southern road
My late-lamented pappy made his permanent abode,
Now while some was there for stealing, my pappy's only fault
Was an overwhelming weakness for criminal assault.
His philosophy was simple, and free of moral tape,
"Seduction is for sissies; a he-man wants his rape!"
Pappy's total list of victims was embarrassingly rich
And though one of them was mammy, still he could not tell me which.
Well I never went to college, but I got me a degree,
I guess I am the model of a perfect S.O.B,
I'm a debit to my country, but a credit to my dad,
The most expensive senator this country ever had.
I remember pappy's telling me, "Boy, rapin' is a crime
Unless you rape the voters, a million at a time."

I'm an ordinary figure in these democratic states,
A pathetic demonstration of hereditary traits.
As the children of the cops possess the flattest kind of feet
And the daughter of the floozie has a waggle to seat,
My position in the basement of society I owe
To the qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago.
Now, my father was a married man, and what is even more
He was married to my mother, a fact that I deplore
I was born in holy wedlock, consequently bye and bye
I got rooked by every bastard with plunder in his eye.
I invested, I deposited, I voted every fall
Did I ever get a penny saved, those bastards took it all.
Well, at last I've learned my lesson, and I'm on the proper track
I'm a self-appointed bastard, and I'm gonna get it back.

final cho:
Our parents forgot to get married
Our parents forgot to get wed;
Did a wedding bell chime, that was always a time
They were somewhere off in bed.
So it's thanks to our kind-hearted parents
We're kings in this land of the free
The banker, the broker, the Washington joker
Three prominent bastards --- and me,
The banker, the broker, the joker and me
Four prominent bastards are we.


Has anything really changed? Enron anyone? Freddie Mae?

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Ecology? What ecology?

As I drift my way through the virtual realities of the blogosphere, I often come across the little political homilies that people are wont to use as foundations to their specific world view. An example such as “Bush is a war criminal” is both extreme and unsupportable in its simplicity. It is when one starts cutting to the “fringe knowledge” that these statements of worldview truth really start to make the teeth feel like the dentist has stuck his ultrasound cleaning tool directly into a nerve and applied full power.

It is at this level we get such gems as “Capitalism is the best means of protecting the environment.”

This crossed my mind the other day when I came across a little article in the Herald detailing the areas of the Amazon Basin that had been cleared over the past few years. The rub of the article was that 2004 apparently was the highest year since the Brazilian government placed “restrictions” on the clearance of the area in 2000/01.

For the record, the area cleared in 2004 was approaching 26,000 sq kilometers. That is an area roughly 160 km square, or as I understand it, about the same size as Belgium.

Now in the past that would be chalked up in my brain as “same ol’, same ol’ ” on the basis that it was the landless poor out to do their best that were clearing the bush. It turns out not so.

The greatest increase in clearance took place in Mato Grosso.




But then this morning, my breakfast was rudely interrupted by this little piece of news

The ruthless obliteration of the Amazon rainforest is continuing at a headlong rate, new figures reveal. The man who more than any other represents the forces making it happen is Blairo Maggi, the millionaire farmer and uncompromising politician presiding over the Brazilian boom in soya-bean production. He is known in Brazil as O Rei da Soja - the King of Soy.


Now, that name did not ring anything beyond “strange coincidence” until I read just a little further on in the article where I meet up with –

Half the destruction alone was in the state of Mato Grosso, where Maggi, whose Maggi Group farming business is the world's biggest soya bean producer, also happens to be the state governor.


No, there is no connection to the Nestle Group…

But, to those few who might pass this way and who believe that “Capitalism is the best means of protecting the environment.” this is a supreme example of environmental protection by capitalism.

Oh, the market for the soy? It sure is not soy sauce!

Stockfood.

So, there y’go. Capitalism is turning all of that wasted, tree and snake infested wilderness into truly wonderful productive country that produces an excellent and cheap stockfood supplement.

Ain't been around here much, huh!!

It has been a total sh!t of a month. Well there were some very bright bits, one in particular.

I have to go back near a month - April 22 my daughter got married. None of the "childhood sweetheart" romantic novel stuff. Kath is far too pragmatic for that. Darryl is the choice, Darryl she got; I am content. Actually it was a bloody good knees-up as well. Plenty of stories out of that weekend.

No, truth to say both my wee beastie and I have had to cope with illnesses of our own.

In my case, a very virulent virus (the redundancy there has just hit me) has laid me low for the past week. I am now well past recovery, that started Tuesday when my wife remarked that I had just cracked one of my more extreme [expletive deleted!] jokes - the return of the sense of humour signalling a simultaneous return of health.

In the case of my wee beastie, it was also a virulent attack that laid it low - terminally in fact. I had gotten used to working around Me with all its little foibles. The A/V I was using was sound. Everything ticked along just like grandfather's clock.

Until December that is when Me went off maintenance. Then the updates on the A/V stopped...

Then one afternoon the wee beastie stopped as well...

It has taken a fairly long and tortuous route since then, but at least I am now back in contact with the ROW. [big evil grin - no one is safe any more]